frost_incarnate

Experiment #4:

Ingredient ratios-

For every 2 ml phoenix tears:

4 ml antivenin
1 ml holy water
1 g phosphorous powder
3 cm unicorn hair, cut into 1 cm segments


Experiment #5:

Ingredient ratios-

For every 2 ml phoenix tears:

4 ml antivenin
1 ml holy water
1 g phosphorous powder
10 cm unicorn hair, cut into 1 cm segments

Number four was a near-to-complete failure, serving no purpose but to correct the overabundance of antivenin. Following the Dictum and the Protocols, I managed to get what seems a reasonable balance- although without Fleur's insight, this would have been far more difficult.

The Mark still hurt, but remained untouched- the skin around it grew alternately pale and red, however.

Number five... white light flared through the Mark, for just a moment, accompanied by a pain so searing that I spent twelve minutes unconcious. The pain and the light are gone, and the Mark is numb, and tingling... when I add more holy water, I think I shall have it. Then to determine the dosage.... but for now, I must await more phoenix tears.

I have managed, with a lot of trouble and some two dozen charms, to put one of my violins back together. It started as the electric one, but not only does it run off magic now, I've cast so many spells to keep it in one piece... I'm not sure quite what you would call it. At least it works, and the sound is mostly the same.

I'm going to need to spend a lot of time playing it.

I have spoken to only five people in any meaningful way since that breakfast- no-one else will exchange a word with me, it seems. Damn it, and damn you all, then- Pansy is still speaking to me, but the rest of my bloody house, except Millicent and the Hawk, you're all too good for me now? I'm some sort of pariah? Fuck that.

Blaise, damn it. You know I don't want Fleur- I have more than enough girl trouble as it stands. You're my friend, my housemate, my roommate, and the best Chaser on my bloody team- any one of those is reason enough for us to talk, to work things out, but we've barely been in the same room since the announcement. I've known you ten years. We need to talk, all right?

Goyle- you're never around these days. We're supposed to be watching each other's backs, remember?

Annie. Always the most reasonable of us all. Why aren't you talking to me?

All right, team- practice Sunday evening. Nothing fancy- mostly we need to discuss strategies and get a feeling for how we can work together, make arrangements to get you all decent brooms, that sort of thing. Drop me a note if you don't have at least a Nimbus 2002.

Speaking of- Millicent, has yours arrived yet? And what's this with you and that bloody Weasley?

Everyone is being too bleeding confusing.

Experiment #1:



Ingredient ratios-


For every 4 ml phoenix tears:

4 ml antivenin

2 ml holy water

8 g phosphorous powder

6 cm unicorn hair, cut into 1 cm segments



Results- a rush of dizziness and temporary loss of conciousness, luminescence from surfaces touched by potion. The Mark is the same as ever. Application of potion to skin produces luminescence of everything but the Mark, which becomes a blemish in a sea of brilliance. Failure #1, although it obviously noted the Mark, and disliked it. Slipping a few drops into Baddock's pumpkin juice produced a brighter, full-body luminesce immediately, and energy rather than dizziness. As Baddock does not have the Mark (yet, anyway, as he's far too young), the potionn differentiates effects betwen the Marked and the Unmarked. A step in the right direction, and the ingredients are certainly right, just in the wrong measurements. Phosphorous content was excessive. Effects successfully purged. Will try again later once new calculations for proportions have been made.

In any case. Quidditch tryouts are before too long. We need a solid bloody team, and I intend to get one.

If you were on the team last year, drop me a note telling me you intend to come back- and yes, Blaise, I already know you're staying on.

If you weren't on the team before and intend to try out, I'd like it if you could drop me a note as well- I loathe formal tryouts, so I'd like to have time to talk one-on-one with all of you who are interested, see your brooms, etc.

Just talk to me. Whatever. It's late and I need to save up my speeches. I'm going to go play some violin.

If she would sooner have Padma than have me, so be it.

I will not cry.
I will not cry.
I will not cry.


I will get even.

FUCK!

FUCK!

fuck.


I don't fucking believe this, not any of this, it's a surreal dream. I must have mis-mixed the hangover potions and am having a lucid, surreal night terror in which my world breaks and falls apart, and nothing makes sense, and everything hurts, and I want to kill something.

She was making out with Padma. They were... they looked...there was real emotionthere, it wasn't just a meaningless kiss. That I could live with, that i could bear to forgive, that wouldn't make me want to die and drag the world with me, that wouldn't be like rolling me through a field of broken glass and salting the woulds.

It wouldn't make me so empty and numb.

Parvati kissed me after I told her. I kissed her back. I'm fucking losing it, I'm losing it all, it's sliding away and I need to hurt something, I need to get5 this feeling out of me before I implode with the force of containing it.

I couldn't really have kissed a Gryffindor and meant it. that shows how shaken I am, how much this betrayal means.

Pansy...the bitch said she loved me.

This is love?

I'll show her what it meand to feel loved, then, if this is what it means that she loved me. I... I can't. I can't do that to her. I will never forgive her, never trust her, maybe never speak to her, but I cannot.

Someone else will have to pay. Someone who deserves to feel all this that I feel now. Someone worthless and bestial.

Someone will writhe.















I'm crying.

Dumbledore has vanished. I'm glad to be rid of the old man, but this is going to bring chaos down upon our heads. I wonder what in the Hell is going on- what is being attempted here, what are they trying to accomplish? Whatever it is, obviously, a tremendous step has been taken, and done with far more precision than I would have credited before hearing of it.

Apparently I was the only one sober last night.

This is a sorry bloody situation when the last week has been as tumultuous as mine.

If you still want to talk, Blaise, I'll trade confidences for a hangover potion- apparently Pansy won't need the one I brewed.

And Pansy, if you still want to talk with me, you do of course take priority over Blaise (sorry Blaise).

And if anyone else wants to have a word with me, let me know and get in line.

Hiding things, protecting things, planning things- finding that half the conversations I have leave me either confused, regretful, or angry.

I wanted you to know that wasn't all I was interested in, Pansy, because it isn't.

I'm sorry if you felt pressured the other day, Millicent.

Blaise, Annie, Goyle- are you three too busy for me these days?

And if anyone at all is having trouble with Potions, they have but to ask.