I... fuck.

FUCK!

FUCK!

fuck.


I don't fucking believe this, not any of this, it's a surreal dream. I must have mis-mixed the hangover potions and am having a lucid, surreal night terror in which my world breaks and falls apart, and nothing makes sense, and everything hurts, and I want to kill something.

She was making out with Padma. They were... they looked...there was real emotionthere, it wasn't just a meaningless kiss. That I could live with, that i could bear to forgive, that wouldn't make me want to die and drag the world with me, that wouldn't be like rolling me through a field of broken glass and salting the woulds.

It wouldn't make me so empty and numb.

Parvati kissed me after I told her. I kissed her back. I'm fucking losing it, I'm losing it all, it's sliding away and I need to hurt something, I need to get5 this feeling out of me before I implode with the force of containing it.

I couldn't really have kissed a Gryffindor and meant it. that shows how shaken I am, how much this betrayal means.

Pansy...the bitch said she loved me.

This is love?

I'll show her what it meand to feel loved, then, if this is what it means that she loved me. I... I can't. I can't do that to her. I will never forgive her, never trust her, maybe never speak to her, but I cannot.

Someone else will have to pay. Someone who deserves to feel all this that I feel now. Someone worthless and bestial.

Someone will writhe.















I'm crying.

I am sleepless once again.

The mistakes I have made are not going to fix themselves, any more than other problems are- or other wounds, for that matter.

I apologize to anyone whom I have affronted, offended, frightened, threatened, hexed, cursed, taunted, or otherwise wrongedin the past sixteen to eighteen hours. I haven't been myself.

Hell, in some ways I havn't been myself all year, though I've been working at it. Of course, people change, and I have done that without regret- but I've also been forgetting myself, forgetting what it is to be me.

This is going to change.

Draco Malfoy is back, and he intends to stay.

And Salazar save anyone who crosses him.