I should have seen this coming.

[frost_incarnate]

I should have, but somehow I did not.

I have nothing to say. There are no words left. I picked up my violin, but there was no music to play, only noise, and I am not surprised because I think that nothing beautiful can come of this.


I regret nothing.


Every word I spoke, every deed I did, I would do again.


What does that make me?

Comments

Re:

[pansyxgotpride.livejournal.com]

And yet, still more than you, which is a cause for rejoicing if ever I heard one.

Re:

[frost-incarnate.livejournal.com]

I am self-sufficient.

[pansyxgotpride.livejournal.com]

Good for you, and when Parvati finally gets tired of her attention-seeking pathetic attempt at rebelling and dumps you I hope you're very happy fighting the hordes of Death Eaters sent to kill you... all by yourself.

Re:

[frost-incarnate.livejournal.com]

Because Death Eaters will truly go after the son of Lucius Malfoy.

I await the day with interest.

Re:

[pansyxgotpride.livejournal.com]

Oh I don't know, the right pieces of information could provoke them terribly.

Re:

[frost-incarnate.livejournal.com]

...if you ever had a scrap of anything resembling love for me, you will do me at least this little favor and spare me my life. Would you truly see me die?

Re:

[pansyxgotpride.livejournal.com]

Why should I? After all, you've killed me.

Not only did I love you but I still do, Yes, fine, pull that ridiculous face and roll your bloody eyes but I do, more than I love anything else in my life - hell, more than I love my life itself and so you take what you're feeling right now, times it by a couple of hundred and you'll have a rough idea of just what kind of fucking shit you're putting me through right now and you'll see that having you die is the least I can do to get back at you. I love you, but you... to you I was just a bloody arm decoration, a pathetic attempt at rebelling and pissing your father off. You only kept me around because I boosted your ego and I made you feel intellectually superior - you only kept me around because it's so damn easy for you to fucking manipulate me and make me do what you want; to make me get naked when you want it, flirt my way into someone's good graces when you need their help, get you all the bloody vodka you want for your pathetic little parties. And that, that is why I went to Padma, because she.loves.me. and I need that.

Re:

[frost-incarnate.livejournal.com]

I swear to you, that is not what you meant to me. I know I didn't return your love. I tried. I don't have that in me. I kept you around because your wit moved as fast as mine- never did I feel superior in that. I kept you around because you made me feel real, feel human, feel special- whatever Father felt about it, I would not have cared. I was yours. I was wholly yours, thought, emotion, and body, until I saw you kiss her. You broke me. Perhaps I have broken you worse, but i have been broken as well.

And I meant it every time that I said I would give up the sex if you wanted. I needed.... I need....I need you to know that, fantastic as it was, I did not come to you for that. Your mind attracted me, first and foremost, and your form only second.

Kill me then, if you want, and I will die twice betrayed by love.

[pansyxgotpride.livejournal.com]

Stop it, please just... stop it. First you tell me I was terrible and you preferred kissing The Thing and then you calmly call me a bitch as I stand there crying and then... then you... I lied, I'm sorry, so so sorry.

Re:

[frost-incarnate.livejournal.com]

I lied as well. You always came first, until the hurt was too unbearable. I pretended I didn't know that you were hurt as badly, and I wanted more, I wanted vengeance... I am sorry as well.

Please, come back.

Re:

[pansyxgotpride.livejournal.com]

Please, come back.
To the castle or to you?

Re:

[frost-incarnate.livejournal.com]

The castle to start. We can talk. We must talk. Face to face.

[pansyxgotpride.livejournal.com]

I don't want to, I just... well, I do want to but I need some... I don't know, time or some other ridiculously pathetic concept. Besides, I'm not coming back until you promise me you'll never ever step foot in the common room when it's light again, I have feeling all notions of talking will vanish from your head.

Re:

[frost-incarnate.livejournal.com]

I've seen them and I've cursed your name for it, I've screamd and swore and thrown things. They can be mended. I do not know if I can. I know that, without you near, I will not heal fully, not ever until I can talk with you. I can only guess that you feel the same to be true.

I don't know if I could ever have you again, if I could ever let us be that close. But I want you as close as i can bear for you to be.

[pansyxgotpride.livejournal.com]

Well then I suppose I got my desired reaction, it was just in detention you... god, you made me feel so worthless.
You do know that you could never have me again, you have the one who's kisses are apparently better than anything I could ever do - what would you need me for, hm? Right now I don't think I could even be in the same room as you without bursting into hideously embarrassing tears, I'm still getting over the fact that I let a Weasley see me cry.

Re:

[frost-incarnate.livejournal.com]

You are not worthless. I said what I said to hurt you- not because it was true. I won't pretend myself- I do care about Parvati, and I do enjoy her kisses, but not more than that.

If you cried, I would... I would.... hold you.

[pansyxgotpride.livejournal.com]

Well congratulations because it bloody well worked.

If you cried, I would... I would.... hold you.
You know, I have no idea what I would do if you did, it might involve biting or stabbing. I might be able to have a semi-civil conversation without the other girl around but that doesn't mean I'm not beyond angry with you. In fact, I think I'm approaching a Draco on the rage-meter.

Re:

[frost-incarnate.livejournal.com]

I understand. But come here then, and stab me and scream at me, and if you need to cry I'll hold you nonetheless, and buy you new clothes if I get blood on your old ones.

I'm desperate for you.

Re:

[pansyxgotpride.livejournal.com]

I don't think I can wear anything you've bought me ever again. And I think I shall die once more if you keep saying things like that. You're not desperate for me, you want... you want Parvati, stop trying to pretend... please? I don't want you to hurt me anymore.

Re:

[frost-incarnate.livejournal.com]

I am damned. I want you both. But I want to speak with you, at least, even if there can never be anything else. I want to have you around, to make things the way they were efore this summer, even though so much has changed I know that can never be.

[pansyxgotpride.livejournal.com]

Enjoy your damnation, Draco.

Re:

[frost-incarnate.livejournal.com]

As much as you enjoy yours.

Re:

[pansyxgotpride.livejournal.com]

This isn't hell, it's purgatory.

Re:

[frost-incarnate.livejournal.com]

You love me and care for Padma... I'm mad over both you and Parvati.... how did this ever happen to us, Pansy?

Re:

[pansyxgotpride.livejournal.com]

It's a punishment of course. For everything we've ever done wrong in our lives since we've known each other, which is... well, a long time and a lot of wrong things.