I hurt.

Experiment #6:

Ingredient ratios-

For every 2 ml phoenix tears:

4 ml antivenin
3 ml holy water
1 g phosphorous powder
10 cm unicorn hair, cut into 1 cm segments

Experiment #7:

Ingredient ratios-

For every 2 ml phoenix tears:

4 ml antivenin
4 ml holy water
1 g phosphorous powder
10 cm unicorn hair, cut into 1 cm segments

Experiment #8:

Ingredient ratios-

For every 2 ml phoenix tears:

4 ml antivenin
5 ml holy water
1 g phosphorous powder
10 cm unicorn hair, cut into 1 cm segments

I dare not increase the amount of holy water too much, and I cannot continue tonight- it might very well kill me. Every potion now brings three things- pain so searing that I black out; an envigrating rush of energy when I wake, and a burst of light from around the Mark.

Three potions, and I spent two hours panting and regaining my breath, sweating what felt like adrenalin, my arm tingling and numb with the aftershock of that pain. Worse than Crucio by far. Each pain worse than the last...

I can try no more than one potion every night, now. I cannot risk killing myself. Though a dark part of me suggests that perhaps the completed potion will kill me, and that the Mark will simply be gone from my corpse.

Dammit. I can't think like that. I have so much going better now, so much going worse... I need to focus.

I need to write another letter.

I have assessed matters.

Personal life:

Positive aspects:

Quidditch. Need I say more?

Parvati. I want her. I... like her. I'm sick of denying it, sick of my own hypocrisy. I want to be something more to her than just a snogging partner.

Dueling. two chances to work out agression.

Negative aspects:

I still have to tell Parvati how I feel. And I have a hard time believing that she could think the same of me.

Dueling. Pansy will probably be Brocklehurst's second. Also... why does Fleur want to duel? If it's for any serious reason... she's one of the few people I yet have any security, any sense of camaraderie and safety around. I don't want that lost.

I'm engaged to Fleur. I'll admit there are many ways in which this isn't negative, but, dammit, I don't want to be engaged to Fleur.

My Chaser, roommate, and friend probably wants to kill me.

Pansy.



Politics:

-The Potion is going well, but may kill me.

Bugger.

-I have two people supporting me knowingly for the letters. I ought to try for more, if I can risk it: Goyle, and perhaps Blaise if personal matters don't interfere. Maybe Snape. Maybe Percy Weasley. And... Parvati?